ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i will never coherently bang her
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
