508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
