i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
