Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
