Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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