he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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