dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
