OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I came so hard my ears popped.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
