I am puke
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's blow job season.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
