Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
