have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I touched a dick in church today
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