I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
