why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
