Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize