Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
