Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
