just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
