I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
