Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
