The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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