she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
