WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
