Your mouth is God's brothel.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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