we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sext me about skeletons
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
