I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
