I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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