Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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