I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What a dumb baby whore.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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