Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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