he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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