so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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