i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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