My liver just broke up with me...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
