Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
