Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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