I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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