if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Even my vagina gasped.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I have post one night stand depression
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
