We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
