She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize