I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
