do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize