today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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