I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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