and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
