I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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