Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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