someone owes me an orgasm
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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