The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
