captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize