I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
