I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
