just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
