My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
