Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
