college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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