drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize