I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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