So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
