I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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