the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
