She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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