i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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