I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
