What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
