im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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