Your tits are I can't wait for
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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