Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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