is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
