I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just had sex on a roof
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