so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
