I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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