That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
