he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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