she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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