i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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