Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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