did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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