I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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