you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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