3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He passed out mid-signature
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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