He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
