Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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