It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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