Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
