Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
