I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
