I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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