please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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