Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
