just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize