I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
