There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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