So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
