One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
