We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize