she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
