i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
