He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize