nut hugger
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
