I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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