do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
