hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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