Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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