Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
