Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize