Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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